we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
