Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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