I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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