When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
