the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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