but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
