he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
