you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
