I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
