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a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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