Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
