ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
