eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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