Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
