If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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