i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
