I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
