Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
