Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
