My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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