Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
