It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
