i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
