You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
