oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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