dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
