did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
