Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
