How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
