Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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