I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
