There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
