There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
