I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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