Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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