tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
