He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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