I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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