Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
