you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
