I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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