omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
