I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just found puke in my bra..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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