I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
