Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
