Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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