Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
