i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They took my balls.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
