I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
