He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
