You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
