I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
