At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
