At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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