Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
