he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
